Non-feminist Tendencies

I don't know why but I have very non-feminist tendencies.
 I think it has to do with that I never know when to really draw the line. I make rape jokes, death jokes, sexist jokes, racist jokes, jokes that attack someones mental health—just typing these out makes me feel so disgusted with myself.
What's wrong with me?

I feel like such a hypocrite too.Whenever I catch other people being being very non-feminist I attack them for it but I call myself out on it days after its happened.
But why?
Is it because I don't have a filter? Do I disregard everyone's feelings except my own?
Sadly both of these are kinda true.
I always say things that others would have been slapped for saying. But people take it now. Before everyone thought I was rude and mean (who knows most probably still do) but I didn't know that my words had such an impact on people. I thought everyone knew that when I said the life alert commercials were hilarious, that I was joking and I understood that falling is a very serious thing that many people die from. My own Great Grandmother passed with the help of a fall. Everyone just said "Oh no! You're being insensitive." I didn't know! Now either people have been around me long enough to know that I'm joking or they're as dark as I am.
When I was younger I thought everyone, except for me, could read minds. Seriously I thought everyone knew exactly what I was thinking. I also thought that I was a character in a story book that some Grandpa was reading to his Grandson. I would have inner monologues in my head because I thought that's was the story book needed. I also watched Scrubs a lot but that's whatever. Basically I thought nothing was real so nothing mattered but me.
Ugh so selfish.
Its not just how I act. Its the media I take in too. I don't mean pop radio or magazines or whatever everyone is into now. Its the comics I read, the comedians I laugh at, and the bands I listen to. I'm not shocked by rape settings depicted in comics if the art and story line is good I don't think twice. If the joke wasn't cheap or too simple I'll laugh at a story about getting roofying a girl. If a band makes racial or homophobic remarks I blame it on where they're from.
I yell at peers when they make these kind of remarks but when I enjoy whatever or whoever is saying these awful things, I applaud it.

 I'm not going to try to make excuses for myself or others. I'm not putting blame on myself or others. I'm just trying to understand how I think. I still don't though.